In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
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Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize