Got a toothbrush?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
