there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize