the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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