When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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