I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
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no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
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He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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