He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
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I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
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You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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