Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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