I just saw a hot homeless man
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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