Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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