was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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