Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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