Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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