the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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