So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
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We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
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No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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