So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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