Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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