There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize