Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
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so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
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What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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