Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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