I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
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Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
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with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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