p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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