Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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