Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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