eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
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I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
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My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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