my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
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I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
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There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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