It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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