There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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