You're a womanizer and a bitch.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
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There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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