If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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