So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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