This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
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He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
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Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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