I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize