Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
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If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
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The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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