I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
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We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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