I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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