I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize