how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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