i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
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I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
a search helicopter?!
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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