His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
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I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
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Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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