Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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