I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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