It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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