Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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