God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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