he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize