I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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