My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
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you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
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There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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