he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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