The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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